Category Archives: To Avoid
Cinemasochist review: Hercules In New York
File under: Schwartzenegger wrestles man in bear suit.
Movies that involve the Greek gods are always problematic. Clash of the Titans, Troy, you name it — they’re all fairly mediocre. Hercules In New York, a 1969 masterpiece and Arnold Schwartzenegger’s first feature film, seems to recognize this problem and confronts things head-on — by deliberately making the film as terrible as possible from the onset.
Some of you may recall the movie Scanners, in which people with telekinetic abilities make other people’s heads explode. Upon viewing Hercules in New York, I have become convinced that either Schwartzenegger or the film’s producer, Aubrey Wisberg, are in fact Scanners themselves, planted among us to snare the unsuspecting and make their heads asplode. Read the rest of this entry
Cinemasochist review: Most eXtreme Primate
People have been raving about Most eXtreme Primate for years, and at last I know what all the hype is about. Read the rest of this entry
And you thought "Loonatics" was a bad idea…
They’re remaking THUNDERCATS. It looks terrible. Read about it here.
For Those in Need of Further Proof I am a Bad Person
I must admit I have watched this show on the Fuse channel. It truly does not belong on TV.
Or really, this planet.
I am so ashamed.
The horror. The horror. Cinemasochist Review: Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000
I hate you all. Read the rest of this entry
Poll: Space Opera Cinemasochist
POLL RESULT: Battlefield Earth wins and will be watched this week (shudder).
Playlist Thunderdome and The Cinemasochist
It’s all over, folks. But something new is coming. Read the rest of this entry
Extreme Acts of Fandom
Getting decked out in your team’s paraphanalia may not seem so extreme, but to me dressing like this or this to attend a match on foreign turf is an extreme act of faith. It’s really a very high stakes wager with far more potential downside than upside. If your team wins, the fact that you’re dressed up adds a little bit to the excitement of the win. If they lose, you look and feel like a total tool and, especially in unfriendly territory, you become an easy, prominent target for taunting and, in the case of Americans overseas, possibly for anti-war protests (kidding (kind of)). Read the rest of this entry
Review: The Da Vinci Code
“I have to get to a library — FAST!”
Based upon one of the bestselling books in recent history, The Da Vinci Code brings together Audrey Tautou (Amelie), Jean Reno (Ronin), Ian McKellen (Gods & Monsters) and Tom Hanks (Turner & Hooch). Directed by Ron Howard and written by Akiva Goldsman (writer/screenplay for Batman & Robin and I, Robot), The Da Vinci Code is a big-budget, big-actored movie that ultimately turns out to be a big mess. Sorry, Dan Brown fans.
SPOILERS HO! (but don’t worry, they won’t ruin the movie for you.) Read the rest of this entry
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