Next Cinemasochist Theme
I’ve recovered from Hercules In New York.
Next theme: Horror. Trick or treat, ye fairies! Give me your nominations and we’ll vote next week.
Posted on October 13, 2006, in Cinemasochist. Bookmark the permalink. 40 Comments.
A BCC Blog
T Shirts
Further Reading-
Kulturbloggers
Steve Evans
RJH
Scott B.
John C.
Susan M
Aaron Brown
ninemoons
arandomjohn
kulturblogadmin
Kyle M
Brad
KulturBlogGuest
MCQ
Wm
Rebecca
Ivan
Geoff J
btdgreg
Clark Goble
Aaron R.
Tim J
I’m really worried about this theme, from what Roger Ebert has said about “I Spit On Your Grave” there’s stuff out there which could cause you to catch on fire if you tried to enter the temple after watching it.
But if I limit it films I’ve actually seen, I nomitate
House of the Dead, a film by Uwe Boll (pronounced OO-VAY)
When it came on cable, I was drawn to peek at it like a sniff of milk I knew was long sour. There’s equally tame horror out there which is harder to watch, but nothing so incompetently made.
(actually the very very worst feature length film I have ever seen in a theater was a screening of a horror film made by an aquaintence. but I’m quite sure this film is not commercially available.)
crap, Uwe Boll. Dude, that’s awful. You’re mean.
This is a genre too full to equitably pick just one. A few tasty nuggets:
Leprachaun 5 – in the Hood (with Ice T and Coolio)
Vampires vs. Zombies
The Wind
Manos, the hands of fate?
HP, is Manos really horror? Besides, MST3K did that one better than I ever could. Torgo!
Hey it has vaguely Satanistic ritual.
vaguely Satanistic, hey…how about Little Nicky?
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?
The Little Vampire
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
The Blood Beast Terror
Mother Riley Meets the Vampire
Slumber Party Massacre
What is the one where there is a sorority and worms that enter people’s orifices (amking them zombies, natch) and a show down in a bowling alley? I saw it on USA once. That would be good.
Ah, I think I found it
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama
I’m not sure this really counts, Cinemasochist. All horror films are pretty bad — that’s what makes them good.
I guess the worst horror film must be something that purports to be really good and scary, but just isn’t.
Try Dracula, with Bela Lugosi. Yawn, the most boring, non-scary “horror” film ever made.
We gotta nix Manos, fo sho. It has to not only be bad, but in no way fun to watch. That’s why I think Hercules In New York was cheating.
Sean, those are the very reasons that I proposed Manos.
Sean, you already proposed Uwe Boll’s masterpiece. Stop beating down on poor me.
The Village
Anything by Uwe Boll would be pretty good. But what about Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe’s War? Or the ever-terrible Hellbound: Hellraiser II?
Silent Night, Deadly Night 2
Or…one of my favorites…
CHOPPING MALL.
How about the dreadfully unwatchable SLEEPWALKERS.
Also quite painful is SHAKMA. It’s about a killer baboon.
Here’s the IMDB logline.
“A murderous baboon escapes from a laboratory and roams the research building, and begins to kill some teenagers who are also in the building playing a Dungeons-and-Dragons type game.”
Dungeons-and-Dragons plus killer baboons equals cinematic gold.
You know, I have NEVER seen a horror movie, so I have nothing to contribute. Just thought you had to know.
Critters
CHUD
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Thanks, arJ. I had been trying to remember CHUD since yesterday.
Is it TOTAL Nathan who is an expert on this sort of thing? We definitely need to get his input. I’m thinking …
Hillbillies in a Haunted House
I haven’t seen it, but it is described by some as a 1967 country-western musical horror movie that at some point involves a man in a gorilla suit.
random John, I’ve seen all of those — and honestly, they’re not that bad!
SG,
SHHHHH!!!! I’m trying to help you here!
I remember thinking Critters was quite funny actually.
I LOVED Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. No way does it count. For cinematic torture, try Warlock or something of its ilk. Not anything that is supposed to be funny, unless it fails.
Alan B, The Village is a great choice. Boring, pretentious, unfunny, unscary, nonsensical plot and stilted dialogue, and it’s s-l-o-w. All the makings of cinematic torture, right there.
I liked The Village.
I liked the Village too … had some really touching moments, actually. Not to mention the weird suit.
But Shyamalan isn’t for everybody.
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter
Frankenstein Island
Monster Mash: The Movie
Demon Island
Mongrel
My favorite bad horror movie of all time is “The Mangler.” I saw it in the theater and I can assure you it is a classic. It has Robert Englund in a bold performance hacking up a lung, and Capt. Stottlemeyer from Monk is the main character.
It was so good, they didn’t release it on DVD until just two years ago.
Actually, I recommend this movie for everyone, not just Steve.
The Abominable Doctor Phibes?
It’s not really very scary.
And I don’t know about Silent Night Deadly Night 2, but the original was stupid enough to fit the bill.
Is Magic too classy a picture for this event?
This is a hard category to get right due to the constant threat of slipping into the subcategory of the self-parodying bad horror movie. A few that play it straight:
Roger Corman’s Attack of the Crab Monsters. Featuring the immortal line: “Once they were men. Now they are land crabs.”
Uncle Sam, about a casualty of the first Iraq War who rises from his grave to slay the unpatriotic. Features muddled political commentary and the inevitable tag line “I Want You . . . DEAD!”
Mr. Jingles, a film that attempts to climb aboard the evil clown bandwagon and instead ends up tangled in the exhaust pipes. This one’s only for the true masochist.
Boa Versus Python: a classic example of a good idea gone wrong.
And finally:
Amityville: 3-D, the movie that singlehandedly wrecked the potential of 3-D filmmaking. Features a monologue about the possibilities of human-ghost sex delivered, surreally, by Meg Ryan.
I’m worried about whether or not some of the choices represent movies that are so bad they are good. Remember, the whole idea of this is that we want Supergenius to be truly miserable for the duration of the film. If a horror movie simply becomes an exercise in hilarity, then Supergenius might actually enjoy the experience.
This is based on my assumption that the true cinemasochism experience cannot be derived from pleasure, only from pain.
Oh yeah, baby!
I was just at the DVD shop and found the one: The Tooth Fairy. Just from the cover, I knew it was truly horrible.
Ok,
I think the finalists have to be Shakma (the baboon movie)
Boa vs. Python
and Mongrel
That way, SG gets a return dose of animal movies, too.
Matt B, your list of movies that play it straight made me snort. It’s hard to believe they really aren’t funny or entertaining in any way. They sound hilarious.
I’m exercising executive privilege in the choices. poll soon.